Dear Distressed Dad

We've received the below email from the one who calls himself, "Distressed Dad." Since the CEO's of Mako Services, Inc. are apparently now the equivalent of a deranged "Dear Abby," we've decided to share it with the public.

Dear Mako Services,
Recently while cleaning up some old files on a computer, my teenage daughter found an computer graphic illustration (attached) that she had done on a school computer back when she was about 11 or 12 years old.  In all other ways she seems relatively normal, but still, given this image...should I be concerned?   - Distressed Dad

This is is our answer to you, Distressed Dad. What your daughter has depicted here is called, "The Circle of Life." You've probably heard of it. You seem like the kind of person who has spent countless hours absorbing every minute detail of The Lion King and its soundtrack. Your daughter clearly has a healthy grasp on reality. She will not be duped by visions of sugar plum fairies and candy canes. She understands that what the future holds is not a colorful, magical land filled with centaurs, griffins, minotaurs, and a giant talking lion named Aslan who consistently manages to save the day at the last hour. The famous Dread Pirate Roberts summed it up perfectly when he said, "Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." 

What we suggest to you, Distressed Dad, is that you learn a lesson from your dear daughter here. She obviously has the smarts that you're in need of. Stop watching The Lion King and consider watching something more meaningful like 300. They're all beautiful men with perfectly crafted abs who are remembered for their heroic sacrifice on behalf of their country, but the fact remains that they all die at the end. What a waste of muscle.

Sincerely,
The CEO's