Tip #1: What to do When Approached by a Velociraptor (A Matter of Life and Death)

The Velociraptor (commonly referred to as raptor) is a highly feared bipedal dinosaur that can measure up to 1.6 feet tall and 6.8 feet long as an adult known for its speed and cunning predatory abilities. The most recognized feature of this species of dinosaur is the large, crescent-shaped claw protruding from the second digit of each foot and could be nearly 3 inches long that can be utilized as a stabbing or slashing weapon. Its strength, speed, and pack hunting techniques make the raptor a dangerous and formidable foe; one that human beings have little to no chance at defeating. Even if armed, it’s unlikely that you’ll survive an attack assault delivered by a raptor. Even highly trained specialists like the CEO’s would have a difficult fight on their hands when going up against a raptor.

That being said, there are certain measures that you can take in order to prolong the time you remain alive or slightly increase the likelihood of your survival.

1. If you’re fortunate enough to have spotted a raptor before being spotted, slowly and quietly move behind a large inanimate object so as to avoid confrontation. This is not cowardly. This is survival of the fittest and you are definitely not the fittest in this scenario.
2. If you’ve had the misfortune of being discovered, your first option is to immediately drop to the ground and lie still. If possible, slow your breathing and heartbeat so that it’s nearly non-existent (raptors have a very advanced sense of hearing). In some cases, a raptor will cease to be interested as you’re no longer a living creature it desires to eat. However, it should be noted that a raptor will almost certainly still want to eat you so you’ll have to decide if this is a risk you’re willing to take.
3. Mother Nature has made you slow, thus putting you at the bottom of the food chain. Unfortunately for you, raptors were not created slow and therefore, running is most definitely NOT in your best interest. You will lose. Running in a zig-zag pattern in an attempt to create confusion will not work. They’re smarter than you and the odds are that you’ll only end up confusing yourself. The best course of action is to stand perfectly still and mimic the sounds of a raptor. This will accomplish two things. First of all, the familiar and comforting sounds of its brethren will prompt the raptor to halt its attack. Secondly, the raptor will become discombobulated as the sounds of its species are emanating from something as ridiculous-looking as you. The overwhelming sense of bewilderment will force the raptor to warily retreat, allowing you to escape. Note: we strongly recommend that you wait until the raptor has disappeared before breaking into a run. The action will simply confirm that the raptor’s initial feeling of you being a potential prey item was accurate, ensuring your imminent death.

Good luck potential Jurassic Warriors. May the force be with you.