Communicating in movie dialogue is a fantastic way to make others feel excluded, especially if a) they’re unable to figure out what the hell is going on or b) they’re able to decipher what you’re doing, but unable to determine what movie you’re referencing and therefore, unable to participate. Bonus points for referencing multiple movies during the conversation in order to really confuse said individuals.
The CEO’s of Mako Services, Inc. are experts at this tactic. In fact, we’re actually the founders of this delicate art. Is it not expected that a rookie practitioner will be able to execute the complicated Multiple Movie Reference Conversation and for that reason we will not spend much time on educating you on the subject. Just be aware that the option does exist for those ready to advance their practice.
- Expand your movie database. Knowing the ins and outs of one movie is merely a party trick and realistically speaking, you’re not the only one who has memorized The Goonies. You do not possess an impressive skill set in the slightest. Having extensive knowledge of a vast array of movies? Now that’s something to be proud of.
- Are you able to identify the source of the following movie dialogue transaction:
“What’s your name?”
“Plenty! Plenty O’Toole!”
“Named for your father perhaps.”
If so, you have a promising future as a Movie Dialogue Communicator. Inserting lines like these into your daily conversation proves that you’re not just some jackwagon spouting popular lines from The Hangover. This proves that you’re a movie connoisseur. You’re not to be trifled with. If you’re utterly clueless as to the origin of this quote, you’ve got a lot to learn before you hang with the big boys.
- Once you’ve familiarized with a good number of movies like a lover familiarizes himself with his partner, it’s time to make a friend who has the same movie referencing talents that you do and shares an intense dislike for the majority of the people you’re forced to spend time with...like your asshole co-workers. It is vital that you’re close enough to this person that when conversing in movie dialogue, you can pick up each other’s cues and move to the next appropriate movie quote easily. Even if you’re speaking in movie dialogue that’s completely unrelated to the actual conversation at hand, your partner should be able to understand the direction of the conversation and roll with the punches (note: it is only recommended that you attempt this maneuver when you and your partner can work together as one unit like Sonny Crockett and Rico Tubbs in Miami Vice).
- Now that you’ve developed your skills and secured a partner in crime, it’s time to utilize your knowledge at the expense of others. The best way to show you how to insert movie dialogue into a normal, everyday (and most like dull) conversation is to demonstrate with a simple example. Say you are milling about the office communal kitchen one Friday, waiting for the coffee pot to finish brewing. You are standing with your partner in crime (PIC) and 2 of your co-workers, both of whom are dull-witted, annoying, and most likely, completely dead space to the human race. Let’s call them John and Doug. Naturally, polite conversation will be struck up in order to prevent an extended awkward silence while the 4 of you impatiently watch the coffee drip slowly, but steadily into the glass coffee pot. It might go a little something like this:
John: It sure is sunny out
Doug: Lovely weather
John: I’m definitely going to try to get outside this weekend.
You: Do or do not. There is no try.
John: Um, yeah, I guess.
PIC: She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts!
Doug: Who?
You: Wonderful girl. Either I’m going to kill her or I’m beginning to like her.
John: What?
You: Into exile, I must go. Failed, I have. *exit kitchen regardless of whether or not you’ve gotten your cup of coffee*
Next, meet your PIC in a pre-determined location to laugh about how perplexed you’ve made your idiot co-workers. Return to the kitchen to retrieve your cup of coffee, if necessary.
As you can see, communicating in movie dialogue isn’t really that hard to do as long as you’ve got the necessary knowledge. Obviously, the better you become at doing this, the more complicated and/or cryptic you can get with your movie dialogue conversations.
Great post, however, two observations:
ReplyDelete1. You blew the Plenty O'Toole quote:
“Hi. I'm Plenty!"
"But, of course you are."
"Plenty O’Toole.”
“Named for your father, perhaps.”
2. What if the person you're trying to make feel awkward is, unbeknownst to you, as big a film buff as you? Suppose your "Tigers love pepper" elicits the response "Yes. But,tigers hate cinnamon." What is propoer ettiquette: retreat in embarrassed awe, mount an even more impressive counter attack quoting, say, "Citizen Kane", or do you merely now consider this former adversary an ally?
"The Dude abides."
1. Pretty sure that insulting the CEO's of Mako Services is no way to land a job with their company. In fact, it's a pretty good way to guarantee that you'll be dealt with accordingly.
ReplyDelete2. If you're trying to make that person uncomfortable, they're obviously not an ally. Therefore, proceed with the original plan until the target is forced to admit defeat. If you lose the contest, then we recommend drowning your pathetic sorrows with soothing mixture of alcohol and pain medication.
Thank you and have a nice day.
Furthermore, if an individual could not identify the movie quote referenced in the preceding comments simply by seeing the name "Plenty O'Toole," it would be safe to say that they do not know the origin of said quote and would neither know the exact wording of the dialogue and as such is a moot point to specify.
ReplyDelete...And with that, my "The Dude abides" quote sails over the heads of Makoland.
ReplyDeleteIt didn't go over our heads. It's from The Big Lebowski. We simply chose to ignore it.
ReplyDeleteI am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.
ReplyDelete