Tip #14: Celebrating Shark Week

It’s that most wonderful time of the year again, folks and before you stupidly respond, “Wait, it’s not December,” please keep silent or prepare to suffer the consequences. Shark Week 2011 kicks off July 31^st at 9 pm with Great White Invasion. God, just thinking about it sends shivers down our spine in excited anticipation.

Since important holidays such as this deserve proper observance, we’ve decided to educate you in the art of Shark Week Celebration so that you don’t screw this up like everything else that you do in your life.

1. If you have a Facebook account, fan the official Shark Week Facebook page so that you keep abreast of all news updates, advocacy opportunities, events, and programming information. Ditto on the Twitter front.
2. Clear your evening calendar because it’s mandatory that you watch the premier of the new shark specials on the Discovery Channel. On the schedule for this year is Great White Invasion (as previously stated), Jaws Come Home (July 31^st at 10 pm), Rogue Sharks (August 1^st at 9 pm), Summer of the Shark (August 1^st at 10 pm), Killer Shark (August 2^nd at 9 pm), How Sharks Hunt (August 3^rd at 9 pm), and Shark City (August 4^th at 9 pm).  Even better than watching these riveting documentaries solo is throwing a shark-themed party and inviting all of your friends over to partake in the festivities. Bake shark-themed cupcakes and/or shark-shaped cookies (yes, they make shark cookie cutters so no excuses! Even Agent U has one), create crafty shark-themed decorations, and serve ocean blue-colored drinks (alcoholic, of course, or else what’s the point?). Under no circumstances, should you offer shark fin soup on your menu! How barbaric could you possibly be? This is about shark conservation, not butchery!
3. We encourage you to take the entire week off from work to truly appreciate Mother Nature’s finest killing machine. Each day visit a different local aquarium and spend an adequate amount of time in the shark exhibit, studying the species’ nuances and differences. Appreciate the perfection that is the shark. Become so familiar with the shark that you value the species’ purpose in our ecosystem and become sympathetic to its plight.  Of course, be sure you’re in front of a television on time for when the new shark specials air. If finances simply do not allow you the luxury of multiple aquarium visits, feel free to spend your days inside watching past Shark Week documentaries and/or reading up on the species via the World Wide Web (be sure to reference reliable sources and no, Wikipedia is not a reliable source).
4. To promote Shark Week (and become closer to living each day like it’s Shark Week, which is of course the ultimate goal), wear a different shark shirt each day. Here are some recommended examples: Example A, Example B, Example C.

Go forth and be one with the shark. It is your job to make the world a better place for the ocean’s apex predator.